Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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