Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
