she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
