The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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