My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
