question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
