Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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