Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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