sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
