the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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