he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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