I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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