I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
