Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
