I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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