I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
