Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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