im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
