If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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