Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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