I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
