You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
