god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
