No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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