Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
