Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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