Little spoons don't ask big questions
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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