shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
