I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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