Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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