I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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