last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
