my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
