Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize