I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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