The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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