watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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