Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
