I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
