im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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