I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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