He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
