i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
