I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
