im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
