Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
