Plan B is the new Plan A
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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