seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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