Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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