Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
