I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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