i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
