also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
