The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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