Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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