the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
