What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
