I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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