Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
