She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
