I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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