If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
