Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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