I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You pole danced in your parka.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
