I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
