I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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