i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
