Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
