Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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