peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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