i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
