Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
