I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
