we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
